Hey guys! It’s officially been a week. It has been eventful, but also relaxing. I am definitely enjoying this life though. I mean my house is clean, my dog is happy (& spoiled), I have dinner cooked overnight, & some kind of goodies are almost always baked. My Bae is also unemployed so we are going through this journey together. In the beginning, we thought it’d be great because we could work on everything together, but now we see how bad it could be. We are both basically lazy & not at all motivated. Both of us off means lots of coffee dates & 2 hour phone conversations…several times a day. Haha! Here’s just a sum of what my first week looked like:
Tuesday: It was basically a lazy day, but a dinner with my father that night.
Wednesday: I was heading to the pet store to pick up food for Rover when Mikaela called. Coincidentally, she was headed to the pet store too! She loves her kitties like I love my puppy. It was probably a bad idea to go together, but oh well! (We may love to spoil the babies!) I had arrived a little earlier than her, so I took the opportunity to stop by Bath & Body Works. I wanted a fall candle & a fall scent for my car. I finally decided on which ones I wanted & checked out. It was perfect timing for Bae to arrive, so I then headed to PetSmart. We picked out our pet foods & headed over to the halloween section. How could we not? Unfortunately, we did not get anyone costumes, but we did get toys! Starbucks was in eye sight, so we HAD to head there next. When I got home I started putting out fall & halloween decorations. Later that night I went over to my mom’s house while her best friend was over. I, of course, brought over my bottle of wine & drank it all.
Thursday: I woke up to 100% SWEATER WEATHER! That definitely made my morning. Bae & I met up in Cool Springs for coffee. Yes, it was at Starbucks. This time we actually brought our laptops. That’s when I had finally bought & downloaded Microsoft Office. Soon after, we had our wax appointment. Beforehand, we were nervous for some reason. Afterwards, we were refreshed! Finally, we had found our favorite girls! Onward home!
Friday:The girls were supposed to come over. We were just going to order pizza for dinner, so I didn’t have to worry about that. I decided, instead, that I was going to make pretzels. Technically, they weren’t homemade. I had bought it out of a box, but all that it was all the ingredients measured out in separate bags. I still the all the mixing and rolling. I probably will not be making those again because too much energy goes into rolling all of that dough! Since the over was already on, I decided to then make brownies! Hardly any effort goes into those. I also did a little bit of job applying, too. Mikaela ended up having some car trouble, so Christina & I drove to her. Bottle of wine in one hand & goodies for Bae in the other. We had girls night in where we drank & watched a movie.
Saturday:Hair cut day! I was so ready for my hair to be chopped. That night, Tyler & I ended up going to see a friend’s friend’s band play. I unexpectedly, liked it.
Sunday:Definitely a lazy day! We didn’t even have to spend the day cleaning since I’ve been doing that throughout the week. Hell yeah! Binge watching The Good Place!
Monday:In the late morning, I went and took care of the brother-in-law’s dog. That afternoon, I went to the dentist. I do not hate the dentist entirely, but this time was good because all I was there for was a cleaning. Just a quick in, clean, & then out.
Well, that was my fun-filled week! It’s all totally new to me, but I’m ready for the next. I will definitely be focusing on applying to jobs half of each day. I can’t promise that’s going to happen, but it should since I’m in need of a job.
I know that I need to get my resume together. Well turns out you need Microsoft Word on you computer to do that. Ha! I purchased that & then there was the wait for that to download. Then it needed to install onto my computer! While all that was happening, I decided why not start a profile & just start applying.
I just don’t understand how companies expect you to have experience for an entry level job. It’s an entry level job, so you’re really not going to have all that experience. Plus, you can’t start somewhere that wants you to have experience when you can’t find a job that will hire you without the experience. Confused? Yeah, all that to me is confusing.
Is this the life of the “unemployed”? Or is it a bad time of the year to be looking for jobs with it becoming the end of the year? I would love to know. I mean if I had those answers I could have a game plan. If this was the life then I could come to terms with that & not be disappointed. I do have a backup plan plan if I try & nothing comes back to me. It’s the holiday season, so seasonal jobs are everywhere. I’d be covered until the beginning of next year. It would also give me plenty of time to find a new one. One that would be a reliable one. That I could possibly make into a career. I don’t want to take the easy route & just do a seasonal job to make some money & work all kinds of hours, but maybe it’s not actually the “easy” way. It could be the smart way. Maybe it’s the best option. I will use this as my backup plan. You should always have a backup plan anyway, so I’m covered. For now, my plan is apply, apply, apply. If I don’t have anything by November, then I’m definitely going to have to go with my backup plan. We can’t afford for me to go too long without a job.
I know that I can’t wait for the “perfect” job to pop up. Honestly, I’m not sure what that perfect job would be. You can’t always be happy with your job, but that’s why I decided to take this time & find something that I am remotely interested in. I do not want to just jump into something new without really thinking. I don’t know exactly what I want to do or who I want to be. I know that I have to start somewhere. Technically, I did start somewhere last time, but where I could have ended up was not somewhere that I wanted to be anymore. I had to think: Do I want to keep moving up in this company? Over time the answer became no. Time to find somewhere that I can be happy & improve my experience & skill set.
It took a lot of time & dedication, but I have completed my resume. By dedication I mean focus. It’s hard sitting at home with my attention whore of a dog, a TV, & do not forget my nice, comfy bed. So many distractions. Also, I am not the best at talking myself up. Thank goodness for Google, Dictionary.com, and my Bae for the help. Mikaela is also trying to find a job, so we are both bonding even more (I don’t know how that’s even possible). Of course, she did not have the same choice of whether or not she was going to have to go through this process. I chose to, but she did not.
Time to go crack down on these applications! Cheers!!
To be nervous or not to be nervous? My thought process every time I agree to go on an outing with my father. I only see & hear from him every so often when he wants something. This time, my aunt 7 uncle were in town for the night. They wanted to do dinner & catch up. It has been over a year since I’ve seen them. As usual, my father had texted me 24 hours beforehand to ask/let me know. Yes, it’s very annoying. Unfortunately, it’s something I’m used to.
In 99% of the visits it’s either a good or bad visit. I either come out breathing normally or I’m crying. When it’s bad I always call my mom. Who else is going to understand my father & his asshole ways. When there are the good visits (very rare) they take me by surprise. My thoughts are like hmm why does this have to be so difficult.
My father & I’s relationship is complicated. When I was young, I was daddy’s little girl. After my parents got divorced I remember the change in him. My brother & I lived with mom & then spent after school to evenings with dad. Dad, of course, hated that & that’s when he started being hateful. He started working 3 jobs, so when Andy & I went over every other weekend we would have to go with him. He got angry so easily & that didn’t sit well with me. It was all about him. Not always did he act like a father. As we got older it became more & more clear: Andy & I were a burden. If he didn’t have to pay for us then he wouldn’t have to work 3 jobs. Blah, blah, blah. After a ling while of becoming distant, being close with mom, & just being tired of all the disappointment, I decided it was best for me to no longer to see him.
At the age of 12, in Tennessee, you become able to decide for yourself. If you want to keep everything the same, chose to live with the other parent, or not to see one at all. It was in high school that I decided what was best for me. It was rough for me, and he was very angry. He never understood why, so he just blames it on mom. Since then, our visits/conversation have been tense. It has turned into that I only see him about twice a year. Honestly, that’s okay with me. I controlled when I saw him. Everything, though, it’s like what is he going to say & ask. Who is he going to talk shit about this time. I may be in control of when I saw him, but not what was talked about. Recently, (and when I say recently I mean in the last 2 years when I have seen him) it’s been all about him. Sure the question ‘how are you’ came up, but nothing more. Man, I cannot understand how a person can just talk about themselves for so freaking long.
He was so not accepting when Tyler & I told him we were getting married. We had my mom’s blessing & that was all that mattered. When we told father dearest the news, he said “no.” Who was he to say anything at all? He also thought he was walking me down the aisle. That was my turn to say “no.” More like hell no. Don’t worry, my mom had that covered for me. Talk about a father being pissed. Ha definitely. That’s how delusional he is.
It was nice having other people there this time. We met at the mall food court. it was all small talk. No super serious conversation. There was talk of family & how everyone was doing. It was nice. They started talking about insurance. That’s when a comment happened. Dad said “oh yeah I’ve got to talk to you about that.” Insert my eye roll. Thankfully my uncle just kept going on with what he was saying. It wouldn’t be the first time my father wanted to talk to me about insurance. He’s never wanted to cover Andy or I. Especially now that we are both adults. Little does he know that I quit my job & no longer have my own, so he’s definitely not getting out of it. It was not information that he needed to know. Plus, I did not need a speech from him. Not his place. There’s no telling when he’s actually going to bring that back up. Guess I’ll just wait & see. We all said our goodbyes & see you laters. We ended & went our separate ways.
4am. Alarm goes off. Last day. Do I get up, do I take a quick nap & go in late, or do I just say screw it? Do I care or do I not care? What kind of person do I want to be on my last day of work? Honestly, I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t go in on time. Don’t get me wrong I wish I could be rebellious & not care, but there’s no way that I could do that. You could say I met in the middle. I lounged around & read for about 10 minutes. I finally got myself up, showered, & got dressed. My hair would just have to air dry, & I would do a touch of makeup in the car.
Decision time. What am I going to listen to on my drive in? Halsey was it. I love her new song Without Me, so I had put it on repeat. (That’s what I do when I find a new song that I love.) It made sense that I did because I’ve listened to every other one of her songs at least 100 times. No joke. Maybe there was also an underlying message. Featuring Panera Bread.
10am. Break time. I went & filled up my car with gas & call my bestie. I mean who else do I tell all my drama to?
3:30pm. Clocked out. Well I left work late. Who doesn’t go in early & leave late on their last day of work? Or was that just me?
The work day was definitely stress free. I had a lot that I needed to get done, but I wan’t anxious about it. Hence, me not leaving at 2. There were some bumps in my planned day. After everything was said & done, I go it all finished & turned in my key. Hugs were given all around. Tears were shed with the boss lady. As much as she was the boss lady, she was like a second mom. All bittersweet, but I know that I will see my girls again outside of working there. You become so close with those you work with on a daily basis. There is so many stories & experiences. I wouldn’t change a thing when it came to those girls!
When I left the building, I closed a chapter of my life. Sitting in my car in the parking lot, it all became surreal & I was excited to start my next. I don’t know what that one will consist of, but I know that I am ready.
Its’s officially fall! Time to put away those shorts & summer decor & bring in the leaves & sweaters. I cannot decide what I’m most excited for. Fall is my favorite season of all. Perfect weather. No more heat & humidity. Yuck. The nice lowering temperatures & a cool breeze to knock those leaves off the trees. That means bring on the warmer clothes!
Sweater freaking weather! So comfy & warm. I probably have enough sweaters to go the whole season without doing laundry. Being fall also means pumpkin spice lattes. Yes ma’am. It’s so hard not to have one everyday. Yummmmy. Yes, I am your basic white girl in the fall. Walking into Starbucks wearing leggings, boots, & a long fluffy sweater going to order a pumpkin spice latte. The smell of burning leaves is my favorite smell. No idea why, but it smells so good. That & being next to a warm fire curled in a blanket. That is life.
October also means for Halloween! Love love love. I mean who doesn’t love to get all dressed up in something different & go out. When I was younger I also did it for the candy, but now that wouldn’t be acceptable for me. It takes me forever to figure out who or what I will be. Already, I can’t choose between 2 things. And that’s because I won’t let my mind wander to thing of something else to add to my options. There’s just too many choices! There’s always next year though. Aside form December, this is the month to just binge watch movies! Hocus Pocus, the Halloweentown series, Charlie Brown, Twitches, & The Adam’s family. Those are my classics. I am a scaredy cat when it comes to scary movies. So your Halloween favorites might be totally different from mine. I just think too much into them & then imagine it in real life.
I may be biased on October being my favorite month because that’s Tyler & I’s anniversary month. It’s going to be 2 years since we married. We have been going on vacay at that time to celebrate. It’s the perfect weather to go anywhere. We are not fans of the heat or the cold. Unfortunately, that means being away for Halloween. It’s Tyler’s favorite holiday. Wherever we go, there’s always somewhere that we can go to spend it.
All the above & more! My excitement no longer contained. Cheers to the Fall!!
“With the new day comes new strength & new thoughts. “
Clarity. Do you every wake up with a million things, ideas, & plans running through your head? You start your day with a new head space. It’s free & clear so that you can start the day with a new approach. Yesterday is the past. You can make today what you want. You control your mind & thoughts. Of course, sometimes the mind wanders, but it’s up to you what you do with that information. If something occurs the day before, a good sleep is good for the mind. It gives you a rest & time to think in a different perspective. The strength that you have so suddenly when you wake is because you gave your head a brief moment of peace & time to recuperate.
I have restarted practicing yoga. It’s good for your mind & body. You finish refreshed. I am making new life decisions that I’m terrified of doing, but I found my strength. I believe in myself & I know I will find the right path for me. My strength & positivity are most visible in the morning. I do not have those negative thoughts telling me it’s too risky or stupid. As the day goes on, I get to control if those thoughts stick to me or not. I am going to continue to not let that happen. I am working on not letting any negative thoughts that I may have get to me. I am in control. As are you. You know what’s best for you. I am a happy sunshine person & cannot let negatives get the best of me. It messes with your mind. Clarity. We all need clarity to do the best for ourselves.
It’s just like I said earlier. Yesterday is in the past. You can forgive & forget, but it’s important to move forward. Don’t go on & on repeating the negatives in you. It is not good for your mind. Focus on the positives of your life. If you can’t think that far, just focus on your ‘today’. The greatness that you could be today. The good deeds or short term goals. Sometimes I get a little angry with myself for not cooking dinner. I wake the next day & I become determined to make dinner that night. That is a version of strength. You can move on, but still do better. Obviously, cooking dinner may not be a big deal to all, but it was just a small example of me.
Today we let you go. I remember when you came into our lives. You & your twin sister. She passed away soon after you guys arrived. You were a queen from the start. “Queen Bitch” as I called you. When you were young, you were a wild thing playing with the others. As you grew up you became lazy. Acting all mature & too good to play with a toy. My brother learned if he said “You want to climb a tree” you would perk your ears up & tilt your head to the side because you heard “You want a treat.” Haha.
You were always by mom’s side. One summer I spent all my time at home with you, & I liked to think that you were actually my girl. You were the dog that got to stay in the house full-time. Spoiled. Rotten. After the split, mom took care of you like the spoiled dog you were. I mean, yes, when I came to take care of you when she was out you definitely got your fair share of treats & canned food. You were good at keeping secrets & pawing me when I cried. And you definitely hated taking selfies with me. Always mean mugging.
I didn’t get to say goodbye. I don’t think that I would have been able to, so maybe you did me a favor. We knew the time was coming, but I’m glad you left on your own terms.
Thank you so much for being a part of my life. Mainly, just being my main bitch. I love you & say hi to Dee Dee for me!
Do you ever want so bad to do something, but you’re scared. Yeah, I’ve been struggling with that. Today, though, I made my move. I decided that I needed to do it for me. My happiness. My well being. And I’m proud. Scared, but proud.
Going back & forth. Finally, I made my decision & put in my two weeks at work. I knew that I had the balls to do it today, but probably not tomorrow. I haven’t been happy for awhile. The time has come. Why not open a new chapter? Why not do something that I’ve been wanting. Geez, it took everything for me to do it. I love my job. I really do, but things just aren’t right for me or my body. With my back & hips, it’s just not worth it. I need to do this to protect my body, & not wear it down more. I took one step getting a yoga mat. This isn’t a step. It’s a leap. I know it’s the right thing to do for me, so it’s how I’m able to be confident and keep my head high.
It’s something I’m learning, but if you are going to do something, do it for yourself.
It’s the weekend!! Today was long, but it’s still not over. What gets me through Fridays is knowing I have the next 2 days off. One day for cleaning & getting things done. The second day for relaxing & having fun. Now, I have to go in to work tomorrow at the ass crack of dawn. Definitely not how I wanted to start my Saturday, but it’ll only be for a couple hours. I can deal with that.
I was going to start my weekend by taking a little nap. My body was super excited, but my mind said ehh I don’t think so, Amanda. My friend’s going away party is tonight. Haven’t seen him in a bit, but this will be my last chance for awhile as he goes off to Florida.
Other than that, no plans for the weekend. I like it like that. No pressure. It’s how I feel like weekends should be. Hubby & I will come up with something to do when we feel like venturing out into the world. Whether it’s something fun or just going out to eat. Honestly, if we decided to be lazy all weekend and just binge whatever show we’ve started watching I’d be great with that too.
My yoga mat came in this afternoon. Yay! And, of course, it’s purple. I’m glad I’m finally getting back into that. It’s been quite awhile. Thank goodness for Amazon Prime because if I waited too long, then the urge of doing yoga again might have gone away.
Hope all, as well as myself, has a fantastic weekend!
As a couple, we set goals. Money is something that got in the way with one of our goals, but we got past it. It took a lot of effort, but the end result made the journey worth it. When Tyler and I got married, we were just scraping by. It was definitely a struggle, but we needed to figure out how to improve our way of living. We started an expenses spreadsheet. It showed how much we both brought in every month compared to the amount we were spending on bills and miscellaneous things.
We had a goal: Buy a house. Together we agreed we needed to work more and push for those 40 hour weeks, and also get that overtime where we could. We started couponing and eating in more. I enjoy cooking so that was a win for me. Unfortunately, that meant I had to cut back on my shopping sprees. There were also some cut backs in bills that had to be done. For instance, not turning on the air & heat so much in the summer & winter. All in all, sacrifices needed to & did happen in order for us to one day reach our goal. And in the end, we reached our dollar amount goal we set for ourselves. That began our house hunting & we soon found our perfect home. Once the loan process began, it started to get intense since we had to watch our expenses even more.
We originally were going to receive 100% financing, but that went away with a quick phone call. They said we had been making too much money. How ironic is it that we worked so hard to be able to be at a place to purchase a house that we then worked too much to receive help for it.
With buying a house comes other expenses. Well, you need a fridge, right? Ka-ching! How about a washer & dryer? Ka-ching! And the purchases kept going. We had fights about what to buy, how much to spend, and when to actually buy. At first, I was not worried. Here we are 4 months later & still have all those expenses plus more. Luckily the largest one has 1 more payment.
We’ve had the ‘second jobs’ conversation a few times. Right now we are at the point of “Okay this number keeps dropping, so now what?” We are both nervous, so the second job option is drawing near. It is not something that either one of us want, but we do not want to go back to the place where we first began. We want that safety. So here we are with a ‘what are our options’ conversation. We have ideas, but so far nothing concrete.