I Can’t

I Can’t

I am trying with everything I have to keep myself together. I am a mess. I’ve got too much on my plate & each day more shit gets added on. This girl cannot handle much more. I am trying not to go all dark and twisty, but it is becoming too hard. Anxiety has taken over. I can’t keep food down, have a good nights sleep, or even shop these damn shakes. I even have a rash for goodness sake. I need a breather from everything and everyone. I can’t even keep myself composed long enough to work. I can’t stop crying. I want to run and hide. I have a million thoughts or none at all. Legit all over the place. I have no idea what to do or how to do it. I am terrified. 

He doesn’t care. He isn’t listening. He is oblivious to the problems. When I point them out, he just stares. Clueless. He has said & done unforgiving things. I have asked for things to be done in order for me to continue, but nothing has been done. I just don’t know.

She isn’t here for me. She is my number one. She has seen me. I told her I deed her while I cried in her arms. She responds with “We have to go.” Sometimes a girl needs her mom. This past weekend, I needed mine. Of course, she was too busy. Something happened/happening to me & she has no idea. She hasn’t given me the chance. When I finally hear from her, it is just to see if I have plans this weekend so I could come celebrate her boyfriend’s birthday. No. Just no. 

The two people who know me the best in this world I don’t even have right now. I know I’m not, but I feel so alone. So empty. I can’t handle this. I can’t stop crying. I am trying to just breathe, but right now it is not so easy. All my positivity is officially gone. I have nothing left.

I just can’t. 

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